by APASA Programming Director Yusuf Rahman

I still have nightmares every so often about my Trojan Check not working. Sometimes, it’s that my phone dies. Other nights, it’s that I get falsely accused of using someone else’s QR code.

The worst nightmare, however—the one that I have to be awake for—is that I’m officially more than halfway through college and that there now exists a whole class of students who never experienced Trojan Check.

So, yes, much has changed since the first time I filled out Trojan Check. I celebrated my 20th birthday and began having to cope with the reality of adulthood. I changed my major and minors maybe eight times (could be nine, I stopped counting). And of course, I joined APASA as an intern along with 13 other wonderful people whom I still stay in touch with today.

The community I found was instant, and by the time January 2022 came around, I knew that APASA would be the experience that defines my undergrad. We had a lot going on for our org in 2022: a bolder return to in-person activity, relaunches of past events, and calendars that couldn’t stop changing.

Beautiful, passionate chaos. I can’t help but be sentimental thinking about everything. Both within this organization and in my personal life, I have undergone tremendous growth, swallowed tough lessons, and rediscovered what the word community means.

*Pin Your Pride, one of my favorite intern activities*

The activities I got to do with my intern class certainly comes to my mind first when I think about exactly how I’ve grown and what specific lessons I learned. I remember our “Pin Your Pride” project and how the 14 of us came together to engage with the USC community. We staffed our table in front of Tommy Trojan, asking people what makes them proud. It was genuinely heartwarming to hear the fun things people had to say—I love that we were able to bring that out of people.

Then, we also had our raw moments of honesty in our roundtable discussions. We each shared a piece of ourselves, giving and taking space not just to bond, but to reimagine how we thought of our APIDA identities. I know that for me, I left those intern meetings with something new to think about.

There is one event, though, that truly stuck with me in 2022: last semester’s Night Market. To see thousands, literally thousands, of people show up to an event that we put on was something I never could have imagined for myself. I grew up in a community that often felt hostile to my identity because very few people looked like me or experienced similar struggles as I did. I therefore had never envisioned myself leading events for my community. Yet here, I was welcome. We laughed, we tried to contain crowds, and we sat back watching everything unfold that night.

This was the moment that sold it for me. Fast forward a few months and I feel really lucky that I still have this space I can return to, even after a whole summer apart and a whole semester later. The fact that I have a whole Slack channel to serve as a quote book for the things I say, for example, is just wild to think about. Or, my friends that I shared those intimate discussions with as an intern? We still see each other regularly and each time we do, I smile seeing how we’ve matured in our own, incremental ways. The fact is, I have so many people who I can talk to and form connections with, people to ask to dinner or to study with.

So many people who genuinely like me, for me.

Nothing I have here is permanent, but it’s powerful. When I see the grates by the Hoover/Jefferson intersection, remnants of Trojan Check, I think back to my earlier times at USC. I would walk onto campus unconsciously searching for something bigger than myself. Homes I never had, friendships I couldn’t have imagined.

Those are the kinds of things I found this semester, too. Night Market happened once again this fall, and this time, it was my child to take care of. It was on me to create a vision for our event and replicate what I felt for all those around me. And so, as I saw the event come to life once again this year, I knew I, too, did something special for the community around me, even if it was just two hours of their life.

Every moment adds up even when individually, they fade away into memory. In 3, 5, 10 years, the problems I face now and the places I occupy today will become my lessons for the future. APASA will just become a former affiliation, something I mention when I talk about college before moving onto the next, more immediate subject. My friends and I will develop into our own lives—med school in a different state, Fulbrights across the globe, marriages to partners we never expected. We’ll face challenges in our careers, maybe forget each other’s last names, too.

It makes me sad, sometimes, to think that something this important to me now could be so easily filed away in the fog of my mind. But I think that is exactly what has made the past year in APASA so special to me.

Because truth be told, it’s been a hard year. My parents struggled with housing insecurity and still lack permanent places to live even now. I said things to people this year that I shouldn’t have said. I experienced loss. I saw my friends face some of the worst grief they’ve ever dealt with in their life. Adulthood is clumsy, it’s messy. Yet what I’ve gained through the people in APASA has helped me not just cope with all of this, but has uplifted me and showed me what it means to support the people I love. Even if all the Night Markets and all the Cultural Art Expos just become bullet points in people’s memories, I know the hours are worth it because I left these moments a more inspired person.

The end of a semester has always been a time for me to reflect, enough to sound a bit cheesy I’m sure. But there’s something about this one though, that has left me particularly contemplative…I guess I really must have felt the absence of Trojan Check.

In all seriousness, though, I think this year in APASA, from intern to Programming Director, has shown me the impact that we can have on one another when we work towards a common cause. As I prepare to go into winter break—my time for recovery—I know we have a lot to look forward to. Whether you are a freshman just getting started in their college career or are like me and facing the scary reality that you only have three semesters left, just breathe. It’ll be okay, and the difficulties you face now will leave you better than you started.

Just remember to thank the people that helped you get there—I know for me, many of them were in this space right here.

Transformation: a 2022 APASA Retrospective